The honeymoon is over

You know when you first get to know someone or something and the quirky things they do or the minor inconveniences are seen as cute? And then as time goes by, these things become less cute and more annoying? (Except in the case of your spouse, of course, when everything they do is seen as cute for the entire marriage). Well...the things that used to be little inconveniences about Germany and Europe are now pissing me off. I long for the conveniences of home, the customer-service orientation of the US and the general respect of one's own private space. And, for God's sake, I want to be back in a culture that knows how to line-up and not just push their way to the front like kindergarten. Do you know that you can't buy a first class train ticket easily here, as I experienced this morning? You have to buy a second class ticket, insert your credit card and go through the whole transaction. Then you have to buy a 1st class upgrade and do it all over again. Are you kidding me!?!?!?!?!?!? Where is the German efficiency????

I am sitting in a Starbucks, actually reading and relaxing on a Sunday while I wait to pick up Kate from a birthday party downtown. Rebecca took Lauren to another birthday party. Sort of guilty sitting here accomplishing nothing but some downtime is nice. The last two months have been quite stressful:

1. Rebecca is pregnant and we are just finishing the first trimester. She wasn't quite as sick with this one as the last two but it has been no cake walk. The concerns of problems with the baby (due to our now being old) and a couple of day stay at the hospital largely due to a ovarian cyst kept things interesting. But all is well and we have the lowest possible chance after all the screening to have any genetic issues with the baby. Like 1 in 3900. I'll take those chances.

2. Becca's been very sick with some virus the past few weeks, the kids have had it on and off and I seem to be coming down with it a bit.

3. Work has been busier the past 3 months than I ever recall. Long days. Turning work away as we are so busy so this takes time away from the family and stresses them a bit too.

4. We have been struggling for a while about where to return to in the US and where the firm would allow us to. After lots of discussions and thinking about it, we chose to go back to Cleveland against most recommendations that suggested other places would be best career wise. However, best career-wise didn't sound like best family-wise which is most important. So thrilled to be returning home to family, friends, the cottage.

5. However, we have decided due to our growing family and the need for better schools, to move from our first home on Coleridge. Sad to leave it as we loved it but excited to find a new place that will be the place our kids remember most about growing up. Both of us are set on the community being most important as we both grew up on very loving wonderful and open streets and want our kids to have the same experience. We just need to weigh that with distance from family, schools, the desire for a newer home (ok MY desire for a newer home).

Definitely feels like we will be closing two chapters of our lives at once. Certainly on our lives and wonderful friends and experiences here in Germany. But also on Coleridge as we never closed that chapter and expected to return to our awesome neighbors and great location. For those of us who embrace change and are excited about new things and experiences, this will still be emotional but an adventure. For those of us (REBECCA!) who don't, the next 6-8 months will certainly have its challenges. And moving with a 5 week old will certainly lessen the stress...;)

We are off to Vienna and Budapest this week for a brief 4 day vacation that should be fun. Never been to Budapest which I hear is one of the most beautiful cities in Europe.

Update

I can't believe it has been 4 and 1/2 months since I have written. Many thoughts and issues pop into my mind as I fly, drive or am working but none have found the time to make their way on paper. I have committed to myself to write something at least once a week as I always enjoy doing it, but don't want it to become an onerous obligation and not look forward to it. So we shall see...A million things to mention:

1. The family and I have made the commitment to remain in Germany another year! This was a difficult decision, as though we all love Germany, being so far away from family and friends is difficult. However, the personal and professional experiences of the last 16 months pushed us towards staying another year. Now if we can just ensure Cleveland is the final destination when we return, I will be happy!

2. We are all extremely excited about heading to the US in 15 days. Dec 26th we fly to Orlando and drive to Naples for a week in a rented home near the water with my mom joining us. We then drive to Orlando for a week staying on the Disney property where we will be joined (in alternative lodging) by Rebecca's parents, my father, Rebecca's sister and brother-in-law from Alaska and Rebecca's brother from New York. A wonderful family reunion of sorts. Several meals have been planned with characters (not talking about her family, DISNEY characters) and we will be celebrating Lauren's 3rd birthday at a character breakfast as well. The next 6 months have us making a few wonderful vacations - Florida, 2 week cruise in the Mediterranean after a few days in Barcelona prior to the cruise and a week away from the kids to celebrate our 10th anniversary in Italy. Fun!

3. We had a fantastic vacation in London in October for 7 days. Having only been there for work several times, it was great to see all the sights, ride in the open top double decker busses and experience London with the kids. Rebecca ended up going back 6 weeks later for her first weekend away from the kids when she met a close friend from the US there for some time to refresh.

4. I have joined a baseball team about 20 minutes from our house that plays across Germany throughout the summer and practices once a week indoors during the winter. The practices have kicked my ass (sprints, push ups, situps) but I have loved every minute of it. Anything to play baseball. I have lost 25 lbs. since August and this commitment is one way to ensure some exercise. The main problem is trying to make practices on Wednesday nights, as I have been traveling alot the last 4 months for work. While I haven't played baseball in many years, I love playing again. The last time I really played (other than softball) was trying out for the 9th grade team and, because my parents pulled us out of school a day early for spring break, I missed the last try out day and was told I could not be on the team. For 9th grade, freshman baseball! So disappointing as baseball has been my one love consistent since I was a kid (I guess second love since I remember falling in love with Rebecca in 2nd grade!) My love of baseball does predate her though....

5. Kate had a wonderful dance recital last week and unfortunately I am missing her winter choral concert today. But luckily mom is video taping it for me! One of the pictures shown is sweet Kate with her flower bouquet after her performance.

I am sure there is more to add and will do so more regularly. Just wanted to get everyone caught up! A few more pics are also attached from the last few weeks.

Time

It seems as if I was just sitting in the cafe in Paris writing my last note but the date counter shows it has been 6 weeks. It blows my mind...and scares the hell out of me. Next thing I know, I will be going to my kids' graduations and weddings.

Anyway, I have sat alone in our empty house in Germany for a week now as I returned from our trip to the US 10 days before the rest of the family. And it is soooo quiet - too quiet. Boredom set in the first night without toys to pick up, kids not wanting to go to bed and my wife to talk to. But I have survived by doing going to work, working in the garden which has become overgrown with roses and sage (only 2 bee stings cutting it all back) and watching a few movies.

Our trip to the US was fantastic - saw tons of friends and family and loved being back. It was hectic as we tried to see and spend time with everybody. And included its share of incidents - a car accident as the taxi pulled up to catch our flight to the US when SheWhoShallNotBeNamed mighta hit the retaining wall by our garage, traffic violation in a construction zone (not I again :)), and numerous doctors' visits for check ups and yet again pink eye. But the trip was well worth it...and I just cross my fingers that Rebecca has a decent flight back tomorrow night with the kids and is not exhausted the next day.

Its funny - every time I get a day or two alone in the house (either here or the US), I always look forward to it as time to relax a bit and catch up on things - sleep, work, whatever. However, within a few hours I find I am bored and missing the organized chaos of this household. I recently saw this comment on someone else's blog but am going to borrow it...perhaps we need some more "tiny toes" to keep things chaotic??? Not that they are becoming routine and boring but the girls often play nicely together now giving brief periods of rest. Part of me says "Yes! I would love a new little one!" while another part of me says "No way! We are past the hard part. Why start over?"

Rebecca and I went to dinner and a movie Saturday night. Dinner was at a Japanese restaurant where they cooked in front of you like Benihana (or Samurai for those long-time east-side Cleveland residents). Food was very good, pricey but not quite the fun atmosphere of Benihana. Movie was Marley and Me...not bad but certainly emotional. The pic is a picture of a "beer bike." There were 8 places on it, each place with pedals and kegs attached so people could climb up, drink beer and help pedal the bike as it roamed the streets of Frankfurt. There appeared to be one guy up front who did the steering. Not a bad way to get from place to place on summer evenings while taking in the local scene...

Thanks for the Memories Grandpa

My grandfather, Glenn Molyneaux (Gim), was one of the people I admired most and most enjoyed spending time with. He was a jack-of-all-trades and able to do and fix anything. He was a well-respected businessman (owner of a hardware store and mutiple other endeavours) who always made time (at least in my lifetime) for family and grandkids. He passed away Saturday after a rough last couple of years. He will be sorely missed by all those who had any contact with him. A list below of the wonderful memories, many of which I share with my cousins, sister and parents:

- Going for donuts with grandpa at the cottage every weekend morning while the parents slept

- Learning the etiquette of golf

- Boating in the Molycoddle in Florida

- A deep sea fishing charter he paid for in which my cousin Brad and I were very sick

- Working for and living with him one summer after sophomore year in high school at a construction site, learning what manual labor was all about

- Fishing and learning how to clean fish

- A 14 day cruise thru the Panama Canal in 1987

- Christmases in Shaker when they would drive the motor home in and park it in our driveway

- Going with him to flea markets where he would be selling products from the hardware store

- Playing in the 2nd floor (toy floor!) of the hardware store

- The corny little songs he used to sing ("He mourned for his life and shot his wife...")

- Riding his moped around Oberlin

- Being blamed for putting the cat down the clothes chute at 582 Beech Street

- Teaching me how to drive a car with a trailer

- His constant "jerry rigging" to get things to work (thankfully/surprisingly never causing a fire at the cottage)

- Buying lottery tickets with him and sitting in the motor home waiting for the nightly picks

- Never forgetting anybody. He remembered every friend I ever brought to the cottage

- Cruising around Ft Myers in his 80's Lincoln Continental (huge!)

I am sure there are a million more, so please add on if anybody has more. I will miss you and love you Grandpa Gim.

Bedtime Stories

When Rebecca moved to Florida to live with me in May 1999 after graduating from law school, she jumped pretty quickly into studying for the Florida Bar exam. At night, she had difficulties falling asleep as she had so much going through her head so I started reading books to her to better allow her to fall asleep. I think the first book we read was the first Harry Potter. We have continued this practice of my reading to her each night (when I am not traveling) and have read numerous books, including the entire Harry Potter series, the Chronicles of Narnia and scores of other books, with the last one being Catcher in the Rye (which might be the worst book I have ever read).
This allows us a little down time together at the end of the night as we are both often doing our own things for the final few hours of the day after the kids go down and Rebecca and I both enjoy it. The only problem is she can't tell me when she falls asleep so I often read several pages before realizing she is asleep. And then have to reread those pages the next night...

Any suggestions for good books to read?

Analyzing behaviors

So a few months ago I mentioned divulging those personal issues which I struggle with. One is pretty easy and doesn't effect life too much. The other has become a bit too much of a part of my daily like.

1. I am totally obsessive compulsive about a number of things - cleanliness/order (but oddly not about germs) and counting. I count absolutely everything - letters in words, words in sentences, every step I walk up. I know how many steps to the 2nd and 3rd floors to our house in Shaker which I moved out of in 1994. Same with the neighbors...The cleaning drives me crazy. I get nervous and sweaty when things are not in a specific order. And order means everything off the counters, dishes washed immediately, kids toys put away when done being played with...this has manifested itself over the past few years since having kids. Rebecca and I were always quite orderly when it was just us. But the kids have caused disorder (either directly or indirectly) that just drives me crazy. This, as well, has not caused too much trouble in my life. I spend alot of time picking up and it has caused some tense moments between Rebecca and I when things get left out longer than they should or she gets bothered by the fact that I walk in the door from work and am washing dishes in suit and tie within 30 seconds (implying she is a poor housekeeper). But part of that is to ensure that I don't get angry or nervous about it later causing bigger issues...either way, I suppose, this is not a large issue as compared with those of other obsessive compulsives I have read about - not being able to leave the house, constant hand washing, etc.

2. Death. I used to have a "Book of Questions" with 242 (I think) questions in it that were supposed to spur thought, conversations and inner analysis. One of the questions was "What are you most scared of?" I often shared these questions with coworkers and friends and was amazed at the number of people that had death as their biggest fear. At the time of these numerous discussions, I was 15-25 years old and death was at the bottom of my list of things I was scared of. I parachuted, started flying, ran into burning buildings, jet skied in 20 foot waves in the ocean and alligator infested lakes. I tempted death and didn't let it worry me one bit. However, I have 100% reversed my thinking on this and attribute this to having a wife and kids who rely on me and loving others more than I could possibly love anything else. I am scared to death of death (??), not the physical act or event of dying. That doesn't worry me. The effect my death would have on the rest of the family. I read the obits every morning, scouring them for people my age who have died to find out how, who they left behind and often shed tears thinking about this person I don't know and the kids who will grow up without a parent.

Almost every act I make during the day that is semi-dangerous (driving, commercial flying, crossing the street), I picture myself crashing or getting struck and killed and think about not being able to see my daughters grow up, missing birthdays, weddings, their adulthood. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it now. Not 100% my missing things but the idea that they wouldn't have a loving and supporting father to help them grow, mature and become sensitive and caring women.
And often, especially today as I read about a father who killed his 3 children and set the house afire, I think about things the other way around - my kids getting killed and my having to live through it. Many horrendous visions come along with this. I imagine (for some reason) the last few minutes of those kids lives and watching what their father was doing and the pain (physically and emotionally) they must have gone through.

I realize this is a completely morbid post and certainly not very uplifting. But unfortunately it is something that consumes alot of my thoughts. And I read other blogs that also often have a theme of death in them - either dealing with a death or reacting to death or the worries of a parent - and realize I am not the only one. But I wish I could stop thinking about it all the time...

Holidays

My father has been here for the last 10 days and it has been wonderful to spend time with him. We had a two day tour of castle hotels in Germany, seeing four wonderful castles and staying overnight in two of them which thrilled 4 year old Kate! We went to a Christmas circus (showing me how good Ringling Brothers circuses really are) and spent some time at an indoor waterpark about 10 minutes from home today. Quite a blast. Tomorrow we drive to Goslar, where I lived for 8 months as a teenager, to show my family and visit my "home." We also get to see the mother in the family I stayed with. So it has been a wonderful time...though we had 3 cases of pink eye, 2 viral infections causing much coughing and sleeplessness in the kids, 2 colds and bronchitis (me). So it has been eventful...but it was great spending time with my father. Happy new year to all...

Personal Improvement

My father gave me a book a few years ago called, "The Way of the Superior Man - A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desire." I don't tend to read books like this - it's not my nature to try to understand why things work, why I do what I do, why my wife does what she does, etc. I just go...And if someone had asked me five years ago what personal issues I have or what I struggle with, the answer was a resounding, "Nothing. I am as issue free as they come" Now as I cope with becoming the best parent and husband I can be and having a wife who reads nothing but self-help books, taking a proactive approach to improving herself, I have come to grips that I do indeed have some "things" that guide why I do the things I do and prevent me from being the best I can be. So that, on top of the recommendation from my father, led me to really read and embrace this book.

It is a book that doesn't need to be read straight through - there are several sections and chapters that deal with things from intimacy with one's spouse to working with polarity and energy (whatever the hell that means). I initially read many of the chapters, have digested them over the past year and am now going back and rereading particular chapters that I have found interesting. And in the introduction to the book, the author, David Deida, writes something that I think about at least daily and actually relates to one of my first posts about finding one's passion. He writes:

"Your sexual essence is your sexual core. If you have more masculine sexual essence, you would, of course, enjoy staying home and playing with the kids, but deep down you are driven by a sense of mission. You may not know your mission, but unless you discover this deep purpose and live it fully, your life will feel empty at its core, even if your intimate relationship and family life are full of love."

While I think this statement is rather drastic, it hits home. I certainly do not feel empty at all, but do feel that that mission (or passion) has not been found and I understand what he means, as this leaves a feeling of incompleteness. I know alot of people in their 50's and 60's who feel their life didn't achieve what they wanted and they search to find a way to leave some sort of legacy, knowing the world is a better place because of their existence or somehow leaving an impact. That's not what this is...I want to wake up each morning and be excited about what I am doing, look forward to it and know that what I am doing is what I am here to do. I just haven't found that yet...And I wonder if most people ever do find this mission. I know so few people who are actually excited about what they do and seem completely fulfilled. But when you do meet these people, you know exactly who they are. You can usually feel the energy and sense the feeling of fulfillment and passion with which they approach life.

Up next....broaching those issues that I struggle with...if I am ready to put them on paper!

Cross Border Inventions

I consider myself quite well traveled, having spent much of my last 5 years traveling for work throughout the US, Europe and a bit in Asia. So one of the things I was most surprised about when moving to Germany was that there are many different inventions (typically technology related) and practices that are not duplicated in the US (and vice versa, though I will focus on those in Germany and not in the US). As connected as our world is these days, I would have expected that anything that makes life more efficient or could earn a buck for someone would be quickly brought to the US. But that's not the case. Nothing huge, but little things (in no particular order).

1. Germans love to drive fast and obviously invest money in technology that assists in the safety of this, as well as the efficiency of it. Above many of the bridges near cities with rush hour are LED displays of the current speed limit over each lane. The speed limit changes depending on the number of cars that are sensed to be going under the bridge in a certain period of time. For example, when there is little traffic, the speed limit shows unlimited. When more traffic, it shows about 60 and goes all the way down to 20 if it senses that cars moving slowly or stopped for an accident. And this appears to trigger previous bridges as well so one always knows what is going on ahead. The changing of the speed limit is quite dynamic, as I see it change all the time as I approach.

2. The parking garages in the cities keep track of how many spaces are available and on what floors. Additionally, these numbers are reported centrally so that when entering the larger cities, there is a sign that shows how many spaces are available in each of the city parking garages. Again this is done electronically. And as one goes up (or down as the case may be) in the garage, each floor has a light system to alert you whether there are spaces available on your floor or not (green means available, red means go to the next floor). This saves quite alot of time when searching for parking spots.

3. Not technological exactly, but there is a great system of bike rentals in Frankfurt and other German cities. A company owns many bikes and they are left locked up at various locations (street corners) around the city. If you wish to rent a bike (about $1 an hour), you text message or call a number and they bill your cell phone and unlock the bike remotely. When you are done, you park the bike, lock it and let them know where you left it, though I believe they do have GPS sensors built in. While not exactly a phenomenal idea in the US as we don't ride bikes as much and I can't even imagine riding a bike in NYC, I just like the ease and efficiency that this is done.

4. In several places, especially my office, I like the way that the vending areas (vending machines as well as the cafeteria) are non-cash. You load up your ID card with cash at ATM like machines at specific intervals (5-100 euros) and just swipe it when you want something. This makes the lines move extremely fast at peak times (lunch) and there is absolutely no concern regarding employee theft or giving the wrong change. Not to mention, I bet the average spending per person goes up with the implementation of such a system as the human mind doesn't necessarily think about the cash they are spending from a card in the same manner they do with actual cash.

There are others I am forgetting which I will add soon. There have been several times in the past 2 months that I have looked at Rebecca and said, 'Oh my God, why doesn't everybody do it that way?" But I have forgotten these things...But it just strikes me that an entrepreneur could travel from country to country and pick up "inventions" that he could make a mint off in the US. Granted some of these things are not things that are easily marketed and could make money off. The speed limit signs and parking garage signs are infrastructure/govt type items that the government would have to endorse and pay for, which would not be likely.

Chaos theory, gravity or just bad luck?

So I was making toast for Lauren this morning while trying to multitask, reading my emails that came in overnight (from the US usually) and checking sports scores on my blackberry. Toast popped up and with my left hand, the hand holding the blackberry, I tried to grab the toast. I accidentally touched the edge of my finger to the metal top of the toaster that was piping hot (still have a blister to prove it) and pulled my hand back so fast that the blackberry went flying out of my hand. It arced across the room (seemingly in slow motion) and landed smack dab in the middle of a frying pan filled with water, soaking after Rebecca burned last night's dinner. I quickly pulled it out - it hadn't short circuited but was soaking wet. Six hours later, it works but many of the keys still don't work. I am hoping it will just take time to dry, as I bought the blackberry in the US as it is much cheaper there. Last thing I want to do is go spend $500 on a blackberry.

About 30 minutes later, I went to plug my electric razor in and had to go find an adaptor. Adaptor in hand and trying to plug it in the outlet in the cupboard in the bathroom, I dropped the adaptor and it fell in the smallest place in a corner in the cabinet that I could barely reach (with extreme exertion) and don't know if I could have put there if I had tried!

So I got to thinking that things like this happen all the time to me - as if all cosmic events aligned to make these things happen. I mean, what are the chances I burn myself while holding my bberry and it flies across the room and lands in a pan?? (By the way, chances of a burned pan soaking in our house are indeed quite high). Why when I dropped my keys a few years ago did they just happen to find the gap in the elevator I was stepping out of and fall down the shaft? Why, when I am assembling some piece of furniture or IKEA product, when I drop the screw does it fall just out of reach so that I have to set everything down and start over? Or when I set the garden hose down, it always happens to fall on the sprayer handle and squirt me right in the face?

I don't know anything about chaos theory (and don't think it has anything to do with what I am talking about) but this seems an appropriate description of these events. Perhaps its just gravity and I have bad luck. Or, the most likely answer, maybe I just remember the instances where these things happen and the other 99 times out of 100 don't stick in my head. Do these things happen to other people? I am going to start making lists of these impossible things and report back.

Naming Rights

I may piss a few people off here, but so be it.

There have been many articles in the news lately about the prospect of Allianz, the largest German insurance company, buying the naming rights to the new stadium in New York. Huge protests and outcry have arisen, as apparently Allianz had ties to the Nazi party back in the 1930s and 1940s, helping them transfer funds and insure concentration camps. People are outraged that such a firm would be considered to be allowed to buy the naming rights of a stadium, let alone in New York where there is a very high Jewish population.

I don't understand it. Any company that wanted to survive the 1930s and 1940s in Germany had to support the Nazi party or risk being shut down (or killed). We have no idea if everyone who ran the company jumped on board happily with the Nazi party or went along (in horror) just trying to keep the company alive. While I certainly don't advocate forgiving and forgetting, there is a point where we have to move on and realize that we are a few generations removed from the atrocities that took place in the World War II era and that we cannot hold grandkids and great grandkids accountable for actions of generations past.

This may sound condescending (and certainly isn't meant to) but I was proud of Rabbi Rosenbaum when he said that we need not live in the past and to move on. The fact is that we could look in most American companies and find things each one is not proud of or something done illegally. Should we eliminate GE and Halliburton from naming rights as well because of evidence of corrupt practices in their past?

They were just one of many companies that existed at that time that supported the Nazi party. It would be different if the stadium was to be named Eichmann, Goehring or Mengaleh Stadium, as these names bring up memories of horrible atrocities. But does the name of Allianz really provoke such memories and pain?

Passion

Many kids have an idea of what they want to be when they grow up. Often this is rooted in simply doing what their parents do or what certain childhood heroes on TV do. The jobs I most often heard kids wanting to be were policemen, firemen or doctors. The first job that I remember wanting as a kid was a rapid transit train driver (and that was before I knew you got to drink alcohol and text message in the cab). Probably a result of the typical boyhood love for cars and trains. Why do I bring this up? Because I don't think I have figured out what I WANT to do when I grow up. I know what I am going to do...which is continue down the career path I have started and am getting closer to achieving what is considered to be the end goal - partner. I go to work, I like what I do, I like the people I work with and know the work I do adds a tremendous amount of value. But I don't love it. I don't get that gleam in my eye when teaching junior staff about what we do or talking to kids about careers in accounting. I don't have a passion for it. In fact, I don't know that I have a passion for anything (besides my lovely wife and children).

Some would argue (I think my wife would, as we had this discussion a while back as we discussed careers) that one doesn't need to have a job or hobby for which they are passionate about. She would rather I work 9 to 5, Monday-Friday, make $35k a year, not travel and be home every night. However, in my mind (and I know in many others), to have a job I didn't enjoy and looked forward to 5 pm every day because I hated it so much, would slowly kill me and the depression from the job would leech into my personal life.

As I think back over the past 10-15 years, I consider two areas that I had a passion for. One was working at the fire department and the other was flying. I absolutely loved the 5 years that I spent as a firefighter/EMT. There was little I didn't like and I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning. I often went in the previous night and slept there to add additional help if needed. Mind you I worked in a town with 3-4 calls a day and don't know that I would want to work in a huge city. But I loved it. Initially I got into it as a precursor to going to medical school. However, the first time I ran in a burning building, I was hooked to both aspects of that life - providing emergency medical care and firefighting. I typically spent 90-100 hours a week at the fire station - working, training new recruits, community education, whatever needed doing. Maybe it was the rush of driving the ambulance lights and siren, the rush of administering IVs or defibrillating patients like my heroes on child hood show Emergency did or maybe the fantastic brotherhood/camaraderie that comes with working at the fire station and an intense feeling of belonging. However, I didn't follow through with my goals of becoming a doctor and dreams of greater wealth than working at the fire department pulled me in a different direction. I have followed up with several communities in the Cleveland area to see what I could offer in the way of volunteer services, but I no longer had the certifications and was too far away from volunteer departments. And god knows I don't have the time for that type of commitment anymore with two young kids. At times I toy with the idea of going to medical school, but trying to figure out how to keep a house, two cars, etc. and paying for medical school is a dead end...

In 2002, I began taking flying lessons and got my pilot's license in 2003. There is no greater feeling than flying a plane. Phenomenal. It opens up a whole new realm of exploration that few people get to experience. I loved every minute of it. It was a cautious love as I was very conscious of the concept that any mistake could lead to injury or death. I often read through flying magazines now and see ads that offer to train you to become an airline pilot over a 3 month period for $50k or so. While the money could be worked out, the idea that I start at the bottom of the seniority list (at less than $40k per year) once again leads to a dead end...

So what is my point? My point is that it is important to follow your passion, your dreams at an early age. While there are always opportunities to back track and try something new, there are often road blocks that make it much more difficult (financial, relationship, geography). While I hope to one day get back into flying and follow this passion (as I have not flown since my kids were born, partially due to time constraints, partially due to some subconscious concern about killing myself and my kids becoming fatherless), it won't likely be for a long time. And the civil service tests for firemen usually stop at age 33. Don't get me wrong - I adore my family and the time I spend with them, I like my job and it provides a fantastic living. Just a part of me misses having a passion, specifically when I see others speak or write about things that they are so passionate about. I wish that I had that same feeling about something. Perhaps my passion is yet to be discovered...