Personal Improvement

My father gave me a book a few years ago called, "The Way of the Superior Man - A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desire." I don't tend to read books like this - it's not my nature to try to understand why things work, why I do what I do, why my wife does what she does, etc. I just go...And if someone had asked me five years ago what personal issues I have or what I struggle with, the answer was a resounding, "Nothing. I am as issue free as they come" Now as I cope with becoming the best parent and husband I can be and having a wife who reads nothing but self-help books, taking a proactive approach to improving herself, I have come to grips that I do indeed have some "things" that guide why I do the things I do and prevent me from being the best I can be. So that, on top of the recommendation from my father, led me to really read and embrace this book.

It is a book that doesn't need to be read straight through - there are several sections and chapters that deal with things from intimacy with one's spouse to working with polarity and energy (whatever the hell that means). I initially read many of the chapters, have digested them over the past year and am now going back and rereading particular chapters that I have found interesting. And in the introduction to the book, the author, David Deida, writes something that I think about at least daily and actually relates to one of my first posts about finding one's passion. He writes:

"Your sexual essence is your sexual core. If you have more masculine sexual essence, you would, of course, enjoy staying home and playing with the kids, but deep down you are driven by a sense of mission. You may not know your mission, but unless you discover this deep purpose and live it fully, your life will feel empty at its core, even if your intimate relationship and family life are full of love."

While I think this statement is rather drastic, it hits home. I certainly do not feel empty at all, but do feel that that mission (or passion) has not been found and I understand what he means, as this leaves a feeling of incompleteness. I know alot of people in their 50's and 60's who feel their life didn't achieve what they wanted and they search to find a way to leave some sort of legacy, knowing the world is a better place because of their existence or somehow leaving an impact. That's not what this is...I want to wake up each morning and be excited about what I am doing, look forward to it and know that what I am doing is what I am here to do. I just haven't found that yet...And I wonder if most people ever do find this mission. I know so few people who are actually excited about what they do and seem completely fulfilled. But when you do meet these people, you know exactly who they are. You can usually feel the energy and sense the feeling of fulfillment and passion with which they approach life.

Up next....broaching those issues that I struggle with...if I am ready to put them on paper!