Dual Responsibilities of a Parent

The PRIMARY job of a parent is to take care of their kids, shield them from pain, both emotionally and physically. The minute that child is born, there is no greater responsibility than shaping that child to grow into a caring, self-supporting and responsible adult, capable of raising their own family and making a contribution to society.

Reading the newspaper over the past week has brought tears to my eyes several times. Reading about the Israeli girl who was abused and killed by her grandfather, the woman who carried her boy's dead body in her car for several months and the NY woman who let the stepfather of her daughter beat and leave her for dead has just infuriated me. I could never raise a had to my children, nor can I stand it when I see them hurt physically or emotionally. I commented to a friend the other day that seeing the hurt look in my 20 month old's eyes when she says hello to someone and they don't respond is awful. And I don't understand how someone could ever hurt their (or anybody's) children. There is so much pain caused in kids that is preventable. I want to shield my children from every possible bad thing that could ever befall them - physical or emotional. I want to take them away to some deserted island where no one could possibly hurt them.

However, it would be irresponsible of me to do so as it is my role as a parent to help prepare my children for the hurtful (and good) things in life and help them minimize the opportunity for something bad to happen to them. Taking them away and not teaching them about these things would just increase the chances that they do get hurt when they are away from my watchful eye. The dichotomy of trying to protect my kids and letting them experience the real world as well is a role I struggle with. How much do you let them see and when? Do you watch a bit removed to see how they react to things and then swoop in when they are closer to the line of getting hurt? Or do you let them get hurt (a little of course!) to experience and realize certain dangers?

And it is one thing when we as parents know of the dangers and try to keep our kids from getting hurt - hot stoves, mean kids on a playground, streets. But my heart goes out to these parents in China who were only trying to feed their children and eating food of the shelves in grocery stores, who now have kids in intensive care with kidney stones or worse. The failure that I imagine you would feel as a parent would be oppressive, but it is a failure that could not be avoided. What were they supposed to do? Pull out their home chemistry set and test everything in the grocery store? So incredibly sad that so many parents are now placed in such a situation.

Kids are so helpless and don't understand danger and cruelty. Yet they are faced with it every day in this world. I feel so incredibly grateful that my kids are some of the lucky ones who have parents (primarliy their mother) that are so diligent and observant and are with them constantly protecting them from this cruel world. I just wish all kids could be so lucky...