Analyzing behaviors

So a few months ago I mentioned divulging those personal issues which I struggle with. One is pretty easy and doesn't effect life too much. The other has become a bit too much of a part of my daily like.

1. I am totally obsessive compulsive about a number of things - cleanliness/order (but oddly not about germs) and counting. I count absolutely everything - letters in words, words in sentences, every step I walk up. I know how many steps to the 2nd and 3rd floors to our house in Shaker which I moved out of in 1994. Same with the neighbors...The cleaning drives me crazy. I get nervous and sweaty when things are not in a specific order. And order means everything off the counters, dishes washed immediately, kids toys put away when done being played with...this has manifested itself over the past few years since having kids. Rebecca and I were always quite orderly when it was just us. But the kids have caused disorder (either directly or indirectly) that just drives me crazy. This, as well, has not caused too much trouble in my life. I spend alot of time picking up and it has caused some tense moments between Rebecca and I when things get left out longer than they should or she gets bothered by the fact that I walk in the door from work and am washing dishes in suit and tie within 30 seconds (implying she is a poor housekeeper). But part of that is to ensure that I don't get angry or nervous about it later causing bigger issues...either way, I suppose, this is not a large issue as compared with those of other obsessive compulsives I have read about - not being able to leave the house, constant hand washing, etc.

2. Death. I used to have a "Book of Questions" with 242 (I think) questions in it that were supposed to spur thought, conversations and inner analysis. One of the questions was "What are you most scared of?" I often shared these questions with coworkers and friends and was amazed at the number of people that had death as their biggest fear. At the time of these numerous discussions, I was 15-25 years old and death was at the bottom of my list of things I was scared of. I parachuted, started flying, ran into burning buildings, jet skied in 20 foot waves in the ocean and alligator infested lakes. I tempted death and didn't let it worry me one bit. However, I have 100% reversed my thinking on this and attribute this to having a wife and kids who rely on me and loving others more than I could possibly love anything else. I am scared to death of death (??), not the physical act or event of dying. That doesn't worry me. The effect my death would have on the rest of the family. I read the obits every morning, scouring them for people my age who have died to find out how, who they left behind and often shed tears thinking about this person I don't know and the kids who will grow up without a parent.

Almost every act I make during the day that is semi-dangerous (driving, commercial flying, crossing the street), I picture myself crashing or getting struck and killed and think about not being able to see my daughters grow up, missing birthdays, weddings, their adulthood. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it now. Not 100% my missing things but the idea that they wouldn't have a loving and supporting father to help them grow, mature and become sensitive and caring women.
And often, especially today as I read about a father who killed his 3 children and set the house afire, I think about things the other way around - my kids getting killed and my having to live through it. Many horrendous visions come along with this. I imagine (for some reason) the last few minutes of those kids lives and watching what their father was doing and the pain (physically and emotionally) they must have gone through.

I realize this is a completely morbid post and certainly not very uplifting. But unfortunately it is something that consumes alot of my thoughts. And I read other blogs that also often have a theme of death in them - either dealing with a death or reacting to death or the worries of a parent - and realize I am not the only one. But I wish I could stop thinking about it all the time...

Holidays

My father has been here for the last 10 days and it has been wonderful to spend time with him. We had a two day tour of castle hotels in Germany, seeing four wonderful castles and staying overnight in two of them which thrilled 4 year old Kate! We went to a Christmas circus (showing me how good Ringling Brothers circuses really are) and spent some time at an indoor waterpark about 10 minutes from home today. Quite a blast. Tomorrow we drive to Goslar, where I lived for 8 months as a teenager, to show my family and visit my "home." We also get to see the mother in the family I stayed with. So it has been a wonderful time...though we had 3 cases of pink eye, 2 viral infections causing much coughing and sleeplessness in the kids, 2 colds and bronchitis (me). So it has been eventful...but it was great spending time with my father. Happy new year to all...

Christmas in Germany

The people of Germany get very "Christmas happy." Stores are filled with Xmas items and decorations in early October, the Christmas festivals (mentioned previously) are highly attended and (just like the US) people take the time off between Xmas and New Year's to recharge. However, the one thing that is sorely missed by my family are the Christmas lights and decorations. While driving at night, you might see a house with a few white or blue lights or a decorative Santa out front. But nothing like the US. Rebecca has always loved driving around and pointing out the lights to the kids and the kids have always been fascinated. So when we heard about a house in our town (that has been on the news and in the newspaper) that was highly decorated, we had to venture out to see it, though had quite low expectations as what the Germans call highly decorated we figured would be normal in the US. Quite wrong. We went to the house last night and were very surprised. The foot and car traffic was amazing - cars parked on all sides of the street for a few blocks and difficult to navigate and at least 50 people in front of the house looking at it. You could see the glow a few blocks away! Apparently, the male (60-70ish) owner of the house is a doctor and he and his wife have decorated the house (with much assistance, I imagine!) for a long time. He serves punch and hot drinks, she gives the kids little balls like those in ball pits at adventure parks. And they ask that you make a small donation that goes to the local children's hospital. Pretty neat and glad we made the effort for the trip!

Christmas Markets

One of the really historic and cool things about Germany is the Christmas markets. Most small towns (and some large) erect hundreds of stands in the central market area and every Saturday and Sunday in December these stands are filled with crafts, merchants, and things to eat. The markets are absolutely packed with people, but very cool. People standing around eating bratwurst, drinking gluhwein and beer and having a good time. There are some very famous ones in some of the medieval towns like Rottenburg ob der Tauber that have been going on for hundreds of years.

We decided to walk down to the one in our town today, about a 15 minute walk. It was about 40, but quite chilly. We got there and it was quite a small version with only about 50 stands, half of which were dedicated to eating and drinking. Germans love their sweets, so some cool stands selling chocolates, nuts, etc. Walking through with 2 strollers was quite tough as it was wall to wall people. Rebecca got her love - cotton candy.

In the center of all this was a carousel upon which kids could ride. There were about 15 places on the carousel, some on individual horses or motorcycles and some in cars that held four kids sitting. Tickets were required and had to be purchased at the ticket booth. There was quite a crowd around the carousel, which should have been my first sign to ensure the kids didn't see it. Too late. So I went up to get tickets and you could purchase 1 ticket, 5, 10, 20 or 50. Which seemed odd to me because this was the only ride there (should have been my second sign). I bought two for the girls and go back to Rebecca who appears wide eyed with fear. She quickly describes to me what happened when the carousel stopped - only about 2 of the 15 seats became vacated. And when you have 20 or so parents and kids waiting (not in a line, mind you, but just everywhere around the carousel) for those seats, mass chaos and anarchy prevailed. People and kids pushed and shoved to get their kids into those seats. And 18 of the 20 kids who tried to get the seats would come off the merry-go-round crying.

This happened several times and I stood there with Kate's hand in mine trying not to feel like a helpless, cowardly, meek father who didn't have the balls to push through the hordes of future carouselers to get his kid a spot. Finally we were able to get the girls on, both on the same ride even. And as we watched the goings-on for a bit longer, what apparently happens is that parents buy large amounts of these tickets, stand aside or in the drinking tents and drink beer and gluhwein. And each time the carousel starts, they run out and give their kid another ticket so they don't have to dismount.

Absolute insanity. I have grown accustomed to the European way of getting bumped into, people not saying excuse me and being a little more pushy. But I was astounded that any true civilized person would set the carousel up this way. Though, when I think about it, the ride was full every time and they were getting paid. So what did they care? And parents don't have much of a choice once their kids see the carousel. Oh, and there was this little 7 year old gypsy kid with earrings collecting the tickets each time. Quite a sight...Pictures to be attached soon.

And the kids got to meet St Nikolaus, who comes on the night of the 4th of December and fills up boots or slippers that kids place by their doors with candy.

Fun Christmas Ideas

When my mom came over a few weeks ago, she brought with her a box containing the "Elf on a Shelf." In the box was a stuffed toy Christmas elf and a book. The book is to be read to children to explain who the elf is and why he is there. Essentially, the book is a cute story that tells the kids that the elf watches over them in the Christmas season and reports back to Santa each night whether the kids have been bad or good. The next morning, the kids would discover the elf had returned from the North Pole and was hiding on a different shelf or place in the house to watch them. While not only serving as perhaps extra incentive to be on their best behavior, it provides fun as they race out of their beds to try and find the elf each morning. They are not allowed to touch him (just talk to him) and he (obviously) does not reply. And it is up to your family to give him a name. A very cute, entertaining idea for the little ones and a fun tradition. The link and story of his origin - http://www.elfontheshelf.com/#/home.

Car buying and weather related observations

I was over here in Germany a few weeks before the family, back and forth for a project. We were selling our cars in the US and needed to buy two new ones here. I wanted to fit in as well as to drive a nice car so planned on getting a small Mercedes, Audi or BMW sedan like my Camry. I did a little research, knew about what I wanted, went to Mercedes and found a used one with 40,000 miles on it and bought it. Didn't shop around, didn't try BMW or Audi. It was about what I wanted to saw so need to go out and try to find something that might be a small improvement (in contrast to Rebecca, see comment below).

So...the trip to work this morning took an hour, much longer than the usual 20-25 minutes, due to a large quantity of snow that had fallen and continued to fall. We had been told there would be no snow here and have been quite surprised. How does this tie into the car conversation? Mercedes and BMWs have rear wheel drive and are absolutely shit in the snow. And it is even worse as I live up some pretty steep hills that are difficult to traverse in rear wheel drive. As I was rather indifferent between the 3 car manufacturers, had I known that this would be a problem, I would have gone straight to Audi and not looked back. Oh well...live and learn. Next time I move to a foreign country I will be more prepared.

Rebecca on the other hand had to essentially go look at, sit in and drive (where possible) every possible car that might be in contention for her driving pleasure. A painful two day process but ended up with a VW Passat wagon and we both love it. It actually won out over Audi, BMW and Mercedes.

And, by the way, I never saw one salt truck or snow plow on the way to work this morning.

Travel atrocities

This is absurd from the Travel Insider...

Only in Canada? Let's hope so. Canada's Supreme Court has refused to hear an appeal from the airlines, therefore allowing to stand intact a lower court judgment that obliges airlines to give 'people of size' two seats on a plane.
Yes, airlines must now give - for free - a second seat to people who are too large to fit in a single seat.
Is this fair? And is it sensible? It is neither. Why should a for-profit airline be obliged to forego the revenue it could make selling a seat to a passenger, and instead give it for free to another passenger? An airline could normally sell two seats to two 150lb each passengers, but now has to give them both to one 300lb passenger.
How will the airline plan for this - what say it doesn't have spare seats available at checkin? Does that mean the overweight person will have to be denied boarding, or can they voluntarily relinquish their right to two seats?
Could an airline have an overweight person on either side of a block of three seats and have the two people 'share' the middle seat's extra space?
Have you ever noticed in some clothing stores that you pay extra for large sized clothing? Will that too become illegal?
And, is it sensible? There are no clear guidelines as to what the trigger point is for a person qualifying for a second free seat. Will we see sizing templates for people as well as luggage?
What say a person of average or even below average size finds themselves wedged into a middle seat with 200lb + passengers on either side? They're going to be very uncomfortable, too. Will airlines (in Canada) have to give them a second seat?
How about tall people with their knees wedged into the back of the seat in front of them? Will the airlines have to upgrade them to first class for free so as to give them more generous leg room?
This ruling opens a Pandora's Box of consequential entitlements. Shame on the Canadians for displaying too much political correctness and too little common sense.