Christmas in Germany

The people of Germany get very "Christmas happy." Stores are filled with Xmas items and decorations in early October, the Christmas festivals (mentioned previously) are highly attended and (just like the US) people take the time off between Xmas and New Year's to recharge. However, the one thing that is sorely missed by my family are the Christmas lights and decorations. While driving at night, you might see a house with a few white or blue lights or a decorative Santa out front. But nothing like the US. Rebecca has always loved driving around and pointing out the lights to the kids and the kids have always been fascinated. So when we heard about a house in our town (that has been on the news and in the newspaper) that was highly decorated, we had to venture out to see it, though had quite low expectations as what the Germans call highly decorated we figured would be normal in the US. Quite wrong. We went to the house last night and were very surprised. The foot and car traffic was amazing - cars parked on all sides of the street for a few blocks and difficult to navigate and at least 50 people in front of the house looking at it. You could see the glow a few blocks away! Apparently, the male (60-70ish) owner of the house is a doctor and he and his wife have decorated the house (with much assistance, I imagine!) for a long time. He serves punch and hot drinks, she gives the kids little balls like those in ball pits at adventure parks. And they ask that you make a small donation that goes to the local children's hospital. Pretty neat and glad we made the effort for the trip!

Christmas Markets

One of the really historic and cool things about Germany is the Christmas markets. Most small towns (and some large) erect hundreds of stands in the central market area and every Saturday and Sunday in December these stands are filled with crafts, merchants, and things to eat. The markets are absolutely packed with people, but very cool. People standing around eating bratwurst, drinking gluhwein and beer and having a good time. There are some very famous ones in some of the medieval towns like Rottenburg ob der Tauber that have been going on for hundreds of years.

We decided to walk down to the one in our town today, about a 15 minute walk. It was about 40, but quite chilly. We got there and it was quite a small version with only about 50 stands, half of which were dedicated to eating and drinking. Germans love their sweets, so some cool stands selling chocolates, nuts, etc. Walking through with 2 strollers was quite tough as it was wall to wall people. Rebecca got her love - cotton candy.

In the center of all this was a carousel upon which kids could ride. There were about 15 places on the carousel, some on individual horses or motorcycles and some in cars that held four kids sitting. Tickets were required and had to be purchased at the ticket booth. There was quite a crowd around the carousel, which should have been my first sign to ensure the kids didn't see it. Too late. So I went up to get tickets and you could purchase 1 ticket, 5, 10, 20 or 50. Which seemed odd to me because this was the only ride there (should have been my second sign). I bought two for the girls and go back to Rebecca who appears wide eyed with fear. She quickly describes to me what happened when the carousel stopped - only about 2 of the 15 seats became vacated. And when you have 20 or so parents and kids waiting (not in a line, mind you, but just everywhere around the carousel) for those seats, mass chaos and anarchy prevailed. People and kids pushed and shoved to get their kids into those seats. And 18 of the 20 kids who tried to get the seats would come off the merry-go-round crying.

This happened several times and I stood there with Kate's hand in mine trying not to feel like a helpless, cowardly, meek father who didn't have the balls to push through the hordes of future carouselers to get his kid a spot. Finally we were able to get the girls on, both on the same ride even. And as we watched the goings-on for a bit longer, what apparently happens is that parents buy large amounts of these tickets, stand aside or in the drinking tents and drink beer and gluhwein. And each time the carousel starts, they run out and give their kid another ticket so they don't have to dismount.

Absolute insanity. I have grown accustomed to the European way of getting bumped into, people not saying excuse me and being a little more pushy. But I was astounded that any true civilized person would set the carousel up this way. Though, when I think about it, the ride was full every time and they were getting paid. So what did they care? And parents don't have much of a choice once their kids see the carousel. Oh, and there was this little 7 year old gypsy kid with earrings collecting the tickets each time. Quite a sight...Pictures to be attached soon.

And the kids got to meet St Nikolaus, who comes on the night of the 4th of December and fills up boots or slippers that kids place by their doors with candy.

Fun Christmas Ideas

When my mom came over a few weeks ago, she brought with her a box containing the "Elf on a Shelf." In the box was a stuffed toy Christmas elf and a book. The book is to be read to children to explain who the elf is and why he is there. Essentially, the book is a cute story that tells the kids that the elf watches over them in the Christmas season and reports back to Santa each night whether the kids have been bad or good. The next morning, the kids would discover the elf had returned from the North Pole and was hiding on a different shelf or place in the house to watch them. While not only serving as perhaps extra incentive to be on their best behavior, it provides fun as they race out of their beds to try and find the elf each morning. They are not allowed to touch him (just talk to him) and he (obviously) does not reply. And it is up to your family to give him a name. A very cute, entertaining idea for the little ones and a fun tradition. The link and story of his origin - http://www.elfontheshelf.com/#/home.

Car buying and weather related observations

I was over here in Germany a few weeks before the family, back and forth for a project. We were selling our cars in the US and needed to buy two new ones here. I wanted to fit in as well as to drive a nice car so planned on getting a small Mercedes, Audi or BMW sedan like my Camry. I did a little research, knew about what I wanted, went to Mercedes and found a used one with 40,000 miles on it and bought it. Didn't shop around, didn't try BMW or Audi. It was about what I wanted to saw so need to go out and try to find something that might be a small improvement (in contrast to Rebecca, see comment below).

So...the trip to work this morning took an hour, much longer than the usual 20-25 minutes, due to a large quantity of snow that had fallen and continued to fall. We had been told there would be no snow here and have been quite surprised. How does this tie into the car conversation? Mercedes and BMWs have rear wheel drive and are absolutely shit in the snow. And it is even worse as I live up some pretty steep hills that are difficult to traverse in rear wheel drive. As I was rather indifferent between the 3 car manufacturers, had I known that this would be a problem, I would have gone straight to Audi and not looked back. Oh well...live and learn. Next time I move to a foreign country I will be more prepared.

Rebecca on the other hand had to essentially go look at, sit in and drive (where possible) every possible car that might be in contention for her driving pleasure. A painful two day process but ended up with a VW Passat wagon and we both love it. It actually won out over Audi, BMW and Mercedes.

And, by the way, I never saw one salt truck or snow plow on the way to work this morning.

Travel atrocities

This is absurd from the Travel Insider...

Only in Canada? Let's hope so. Canada's Supreme Court has refused to hear an appeal from the airlines, therefore allowing to stand intact a lower court judgment that obliges airlines to give 'people of size' two seats on a plane.
Yes, airlines must now give - for free - a second seat to people who are too large to fit in a single seat.
Is this fair? And is it sensible? It is neither. Why should a for-profit airline be obliged to forego the revenue it could make selling a seat to a passenger, and instead give it for free to another passenger? An airline could normally sell two seats to two 150lb each passengers, but now has to give them both to one 300lb passenger.
How will the airline plan for this - what say it doesn't have spare seats available at checkin? Does that mean the overweight person will have to be denied boarding, or can they voluntarily relinquish their right to two seats?
Could an airline have an overweight person on either side of a block of three seats and have the two people 'share' the middle seat's extra space?
Have you ever noticed in some clothing stores that you pay extra for large sized clothing? Will that too become illegal?
And, is it sensible? There are no clear guidelines as to what the trigger point is for a person qualifying for a second free seat. Will we see sizing templates for people as well as luggage?
What say a person of average or even below average size finds themselves wedged into a middle seat with 200lb + passengers on either side? They're going to be very uncomfortable, too. Will airlines (in Canada) have to give them a second seat?
How about tall people with their knees wedged into the back of the seat in front of them? Will the airlines have to upgrade them to first class for free so as to give them more generous leg room?
This ruling opens a Pandora's Box of consequential entitlements. Shame on the Canadians for displaying too much political correctness and too little common sense.

Personal Improvement

My father gave me a book a few years ago called, "The Way of the Superior Man - A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desire." I don't tend to read books like this - it's not my nature to try to understand why things work, why I do what I do, why my wife does what she does, etc. I just go...And if someone had asked me five years ago what personal issues I have or what I struggle with, the answer was a resounding, "Nothing. I am as issue free as they come" Now as I cope with becoming the best parent and husband I can be and having a wife who reads nothing but self-help books, taking a proactive approach to improving herself, I have come to grips that I do indeed have some "things" that guide why I do the things I do and prevent me from being the best I can be. So that, on top of the recommendation from my father, led me to really read and embrace this book.

It is a book that doesn't need to be read straight through - there are several sections and chapters that deal with things from intimacy with one's spouse to working with polarity and energy (whatever the hell that means). I initially read many of the chapters, have digested them over the past year and am now going back and rereading particular chapters that I have found interesting. And in the introduction to the book, the author, David Deida, writes something that I think about at least daily and actually relates to one of my first posts about finding one's passion. He writes:

"Your sexual essence is your sexual core. If you have more masculine sexual essence, you would, of course, enjoy staying home and playing with the kids, but deep down you are driven by a sense of mission. You may not know your mission, but unless you discover this deep purpose and live it fully, your life will feel empty at its core, even if your intimate relationship and family life are full of love."

While I think this statement is rather drastic, it hits home. I certainly do not feel empty at all, but do feel that that mission (or passion) has not been found and I understand what he means, as this leaves a feeling of incompleteness. I know alot of people in their 50's and 60's who feel their life didn't achieve what they wanted and they search to find a way to leave some sort of legacy, knowing the world is a better place because of their existence or somehow leaving an impact. That's not what this is...I want to wake up each morning and be excited about what I am doing, look forward to it and know that what I am doing is what I am here to do. I just haven't found that yet...And I wonder if most people ever do find this mission. I know so few people who are actually excited about what they do and seem completely fulfilled. But when you do meet these people, you know exactly who they are. You can usually feel the energy and sense the feeling of fulfillment and passion with which they approach life.

Up next....broaching those issues that I struggle with...if I am ready to put them on paper!

Finally snow!

When we arrived over here in August, we were told that it had not snowed in Frankfurt in two years! This was quite devastating for my wife who loves the snow and whose middle name is actually Snow. We are up in the mountains a little bit from Frankfurt and usually the temp falls 5-10 degress upon coming home from work. I don't know the typical snow fall here in Kelkheim. However, we awoke the morning after arriving home from our trip to find about 1-2 inches of snow had fallen! Rebecca and the kids were overjoyed. I, on the otherhand...not quite so much.

Southern Trip

Just back from a driving tour of southern Germany, some of Switzerland, Austria and Liechtenstein. My mom, aunt and uncle came over for 9 days and leave today...:( It will be tough to see them go but my father is now planning on coming for 4 weeks (some work, some play) beginning Dec. 23.

There was alot of driving on the trip and the kids were fantastic. About 20 hours in 5 days, some through blinding snow storms but most through the most gorgeous scenery in the world. Both Rebecca and my uncle had not traveled in the area so the goal was primarily to give them a good flavor. We initially drove to Lucerne, Swtizerland, a gorgeous old town on a lake with old covered bridges crossing the lake. The next day we drove to Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Germany, home of the largest mountain in Germany at about 10,000 feet. We took a train up the inside of the mountain to the first plateau at 9,000 feet and a cable car to the top. The view was gorgeous (pics to follow soon). We then took a cable car to the bottom.

The next day we went to Castle Neuschwanstein, an unbelievable castle that Walt Disney modeled his castle in Disney World after. Kate was in heaven! We then drove to Salzburg, Austria for two nights. A wonderful city with great walking through the old town and stores. An incredible christmas market was set up that was quite fun to walk through. On our drive home we stopped in Rothenburg, considered by many to be the most charming medieval town in Germany. Fun to walk around and shop.

A great trip and fun to spend time with everybody. They will be sorely missed (especially over the holidays).

Castles

Ever since Kate went to Disney in February (and EuroDisney in October) she has been obsessed with princesses. So what better place to take her than a country that has hundreds of castles, some in ruins and some upkept? Most weekends, we make at least one trip to a local castle. There are 5 within 15 minutes of our house. Each week we venture a bit further. Here are a few pics from the castles near us. However, I am getting quite tired of fielding the question of "Where are all the prince, princesses, kings and queens?" I fight the urge to just say, "THEY ARE DEAD. THEY EXIST NO MORE." However, that might be a little scarring...

Speaking of scaring, our neighbors had a kitchen fire the other night and right as Rebecca and the kids got home, the fire department arrived, many trucks, many hoses. The kids were a bit intimidated, but now Kate woke up 3 times last night screaming and a sweaty mess from dreams about fires. Just wonderful...

Odd names

I drove up to a city called Grevenbroich yesterday to spend the day at a new client to attend some meetings. Most Germans would have taken the train system as it is economical and easy to use. But I haven't done so yet and didn't want to do it early on a morning when I HAD to be there for a 10 am meeting. So I drove, which resulted in my windshield getting cracked by a damn rock. But that is not the story here. As I approached Köln (Cologne to Americans), I passed a bus (see picture above). It just made me laugh...It is indeed a true bus company and has been around for many years...

Halloween

Halloween is not a holiday in Germany, though over the past 10 years or so, Germans have come to embrace it. However, the concept of going door to door trick-or-treating is still new and not common. A few kids come to the door, some locals and some expats, but more of the Germans tend to attend parties or haunted houses. As Rebecca is a member of the American Women's Club, we had a list of American households that were giving out candy and drove around to them. 8 houses in an hour and a half was rather tough with the kids getting in and out of the car.

However, Kate's school offers something called Trunk or Treat. People drive their cars into the big school parking lot, all park facing the same direction and open their trunks and decorate them. Kids then go in their costumes from trunk to trunk and people give out candy. And it is amazing how well people decorate their trunks. Smoke machines, coffins, crazy stuff. I had a blast and the kids did too. It is entirely light out so you can see the costumes and nothing is too scary. There is a parade at the end with all the kids and prizes given out for best costumes, scariest, etc. A fantastic idea and a great work around to not being able to go door to door. See some good pics below!

Cross Border Inventions

I consider myself quite well traveled, having spent much of my last 5 years traveling for work throughout the US, Europe and a bit in Asia. So one of the things I was most surprised about when moving to Germany was that there are many different inventions (typically technology related) and practices that are not duplicated in the US (and vice versa, though I will focus on those in Germany and not in the US). As connected as our world is these days, I would have expected that anything that makes life more efficient or could earn a buck for someone would be quickly brought to the US. But that's not the case. Nothing huge, but little things (in no particular order).

1. Germans love to drive fast and obviously invest money in technology that assists in the safety of this, as well as the efficiency of it. Above many of the bridges near cities with rush hour are LED displays of the current speed limit over each lane. The speed limit changes depending on the number of cars that are sensed to be going under the bridge in a certain period of time. For example, when there is little traffic, the speed limit shows unlimited. When more traffic, it shows about 60 and goes all the way down to 20 if it senses that cars moving slowly or stopped for an accident. And this appears to trigger previous bridges as well so one always knows what is going on ahead. The changing of the speed limit is quite dynamic, as I see it change all the time as I approach.

2. The parking garages in the cities keep track of how many spaces are available and on what floors. Additionally, these numbers are reported centrally so that when entering the larger cities, there is a sign that shows how many spaces are available in each of the city parking garages. Again this is done electronically. And as one goes up (or down as the case may be) in the garage, each floor has a light system to alert you whether there are spaces available on your floor or not (green means available, red means go to the next floor). This saves quite alot of time when searching for parking spots.

3. Not technological exactly, but there is a great system of bike rentals in Frankfurt and other German cities. A company owns many bikes and they are left locked up at various locations (street corners) around the city. If you wish to rent a bike (about $1 an hour), you text message or call a number and they bill your cell phone and unlock the bike remotely. When you are done, you park the bike, lock it and let them know where you left it, though I believe they do have GPS sensors built in. While not exactly a phenomenal idea in the US as we don't ride bikes as much and I can't even imagine riding a bike in NYC, I just like the ease and efficiency that this is done.

4. In several places, especially my office, I like the way that the vending areas (vending machines as well as the cafeteria) are non-cash. You load up your ID card with cash at ATM like machines at specific intervals (5-100 euros) and just swipe it when you want something. This makes the lines move extremely fast at peak times (lunch) and there is absolutely no concern regarding employee theft or giving the wrong change. Not to mention, I bet the average spending per person goes up with the implementation of such a system as the human mind doesn't necessarily think about the cash they are spending from a card in the same manner they do with actual cash.

There are others I am forgetting which I will add soon. There have been several times in the past 2 months that I have looked at Rebecca and said, 'Oh my God, why doesn't everybody do it that way?" But I have forgotten these things...But it just strikes me that an entrepreneur could travel from country to country and pick up "inventions" that he could make a mint off in the US. Granted some of these things are not things that are easily marketed and could make money off. The speed limit signs and parking garage signs are infrastructure/govt type items that the government would have to endorse and pay for, which would not be likely.

Chaos theory, gravity or just bad luck?

So I was making toast for Lauren this morning while trying to multitask, reading my emails that came in overnight (from the US usually) and checking sports scores on my blackberry. Toast popped up and with my left hand, the hand holding the blackberry, I tried to grab the toast. I accidentally touched the edge of my finger to the metal top of the toaster that was piping hot (still have a blister to prove it) and pulled my hand back so fast that the blackberry went flying out of my hand. It arced across the room (seemingly in slow motion) and landed smack dab in the middle of a frying pan filled with water, soaking after Rebecca burned last night's dinner. I quickly pulled it out - it hadn't short circuited but was soaking wet. Six hours later, it works but many of the keys still don't work. I am hoping it will just take time to dry, as I bought the blackberry in the US as it is much cheaper there. Last thing I want to do is go spend $500 on a blackberry.

About 30 minutes later, I went to plug my electric razor in and had to go find an adaptor. Adaptor in hand and trying to plug it in the outlet in the cupboard in the bathroom, I dropped the adaptor and it fell in the smallest place in a corner in the cabinet that I could barely reach (with extreme exertion) and don't know if I could have put there if I had tried!

So I got to thinking that things like this happen all the time to me - as if all cosmic events aligned to make these things happen. I mean, what are the chances I burn myself while holding my bberry and it flies across the room and lands in a pan?? (By the way, chances of a burned pan soaking in our house are indeed quite high). Why when I dropped my keys a few years ago did they just happen to find the gap in the elevator I was stepping out of and fall down the shaft? Why, when I am assembling some piece of furniture or IKEA product, when I drop the screw does it fall just out of reach so that I have to set everything down and start over? Or when I set the garden hose down, it always happens to fall on the sprayer handle and squirt me right in the face?

I don't know anything about chaos theory (and don't think it has anything to do with what I am talking about) but this seems an appropriate description of these events. Perhaps its just gravity and I have bad luck. Or, the most likely answer, maybe I just remember the instances where these things happen and the other 99 times out of 100 don't stick in my head. Do these things happen to other people? I am going to start making lists of these impossible things and report back.

Parenting

So Rebecca and I are not strict parents when it comes to discipline but have always been quite strict when it comes to adhering to schedules for the girls. Meals are eaten at the same time every day within 15 minutes and bed time never waivers. The girls have always gone down at 7 (or earlier) and I can count on one hand the number of times that has not happened, usually because we are traveling or a dinner out runs late. Kate gets her 12 hours and Lauren gets her 14 (with an afternoon nap) as recommended by the APA. We both believe this helps, as the kids always know what to expect and when to expect it. I am always interested to watch the kids of other parents who don't adhere to such a schedule. In my opinion, I tend to witness more mood swings and melt downs. But this may just be a predetermined bias. This all essentially stems from Rebecca's unwavering adherence to the rules. If the APA recommends it, she does it. No TV before two as it contributes to ADD. Sleep schedules, everything.

So the reason I write this now is that I am sitting in the rotunda of the Disneyland Hotel in Paris because this is the only place in the hotel that has wifi. Rebecca and the girls went to bed about 7 and I came up here to catch up on email and baseball playoffs. And I found an absolute mad house...50 kids or so running absolutely amok, dressed from just diapers to full princess and pirate regalia. Parents are sitting here drinking, kids are shrieking, chasing each other with star wars guns and at least one gets injured every 5 minutes, several are absolutely screaming bloody murder and melting down at their parents feet. All from age 1 to 10. At 8 o'clock I wasn't too surprised. But now its 9:30 and no signs of slowing. And I know these are the same kids that are going to be up at 7 and in the park, knocking my kids over in line and behaving horrendously. Do parents know this and just choose to have their fun at the expense of the kids? Or do they just assume kids know when they need to go to bed and its ok to keep them out like this? Or, is this just Disney and vacation and these parents act quite differently at home? Or am I just a square who should let his kids run amok too as they are missing out by not doing so?

Naming Rights

I may piss a few people off here, but so be it.

There have been many articles in the news lately about the prospect of Allianz, the largest German insurance company, buying the naming rights to the new stadium in New York. Huge protests and outcry have arisen, as apparently Allianz had ties to the Nazi party back in the 1930s and 1940s, helping them transfer funds and insure concentration camps. People are outraged that such a firm would be considered to be allowed to buy the naming rights of a stadium, let alone in New York where there is a very high Jewish population.

I don't understand it. Any company that wanted to survive the 1930s and 1940s in Germany had to support the Nazi party or risk being shut down (or killed). We have no idea if everyone who ran the company jumped on board happily with the Nazi party or went along (in horror) just trying to keep the company alive. While I certainly don't advocate forgiving and forgetting, there is a point where we have to move on and realize that we are a few generations removed from the atrocities that took place in the World War II era and that we cannot hold grandkids and great grandkids accountable for actions of generations past.

This may sound condescending (and certainly isn't meant to) but I was proud of Rabbi Rosenbaum when he said that we need not live in the past and to move on. The fact is that we could look in most American companies and find things each one is not proud of or something done illegally. Should we eliminate GE and Halliburton from naming rights as well because of evidence of corrupt practices in their past?

They were just one of many companies that existed at that time that supported the Nazi party. It would be different if the stadium was to be named Eichmann, Goehring or Mengaleh Stadium, as these names bring up memories of horrible atrocities. But does the name of Allianz really provoke such memories and pain?

German taxes and social services

It's been 8 days since my last post. Rebecca was sick in the hospital (definitely fodder for another blog post) and there was little time the past week to write.

I was filling up my gas tank this morning, amazed that each time I do so it costs me about $125. And that's for a small car like an Accord or Camry. Based on yesterday's exchange rate, I paid $8.47 per gallon. So I started thinking about why the cost could be so high - the oil producing countries are closer to Germany so not a transportation issue - when I saw a note that said $5.02 of taxes is levied on each gallon. That's 59% of the cost of gas! So an enormous source of revenue for the government.

Then I thought about my paycheck here, as I just got my second one today since my arrival. My paycheck included 34% for taxes (all included - federal, city, local, etc) and 5% for social security. So in all, I actually pay higher taxes here (due to fewer allowances and credits) than I do in the US (though, thankfully, this increase is paid by my firm). And that ignores health care costs (as we have private insurance), but the average German pays about another 6% for health care, which is state run.

So I started wondering where all this tax money went and it became pretty clear - Germany doesn't have the social security and poverty issues we have, their roads and infrastructure are above US standard (approaching fantastic) and the health care system (certainly not as coddling as the US, as will be described in another writing) is efficient and run by the government. Everyone has healthcare.

I would gladly pay the tax rates that Germans pay in the US to help eliminate the above issues (good god, am I becoming a liberal???). The problem is, I have little confidence that the US government would actually be able to implement these German like systems efficiently and without billions of dollars leaking for other undisclosed items that doom the entire reason for the increases in taxes...

As a quick aside and speaking of fuel price, in the US I watch for the lowest price in gasoline per gallon but within a few cents I am indifferent. But here, due to the exchange rate and pricing in liters instead of gallons, a €.01 change in gas price is equivalent to $.06! So passing a place up and seeing it for €.03 higher down the road is $.18 per gallon higher! Just need to alter the mindset a little...

Passion

Many kids have an idea of what they want to be when they grow up. Often this is rooted in simply doing what their parents do or what certain childhood heroes on TV do. The jobs I most often heard kids wanting to be were policemen, firemen or doctors. The first job that I remember wanting as a kid was a rapid transit train driver (and that was before I knew you got to drink alcohol and text message in the cab). Probably a result of the typical boyhood love for cars and trains. Why do I bring this up? Because I don't think I have figured out what I WANT to do when I grow up. I know what I am going to do...which is continue down the career path I have started and am getting closer to achieving what is considered to be the end goal - partner. I go to work, I like what I do, I like the people I work with and know the work I do adds a tremendous amount of value. But I don't love it. I don't get that gleam in my eye when teaching junior staff about what we do or talking to kids about careers in accounting. I don't have a passion for it. In fact, I don't know that I have a passion for anything (besides my lovely wife and children).

Some would argue (I think my wife would, as we had this discussion a while back as we discussed careers) that one doesn't need to have a job or hobby for which they are passionate about. She would rather I work 9 to 5, Monday-Friday, make $35k a year, not travel and be home every night. However, in my mind (and I know in many others), to have a job I didn't enjoy and looked forward to 5 pm every day because I hated it so much, would slowly kill me and the depression from the job would leech into my personal life.

As I think back over the past 10-15 years, I consider two areas that I had a passion for. One was working at the fire department and the other was flying. I absolutely loved the 5 years that I spent as a firefighter/EMT. There was little I didn't like and I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning. I often went in the previous night and slept there to add additional help if needed. Mind you I worked in a town with 3-4 calls a day and don't know that I would want to work in a huge city. But I loved it. Initially I got into it as a precursor to going to medical school. However, the first time I ran in a burning building, I was hooked to both aspects of that life - providing emergency medical care and firefighting. I typically spent 90-100 hours a week at the fire station - working, training new recruits, community education, whatever needed doing. Maybe it was the rush of driving the ambulance lights and siren, the rush of administering IVs or defibrillating patients like my heroes on child hood show Emergency did or maybe the fantastic brotherhood/camaraderie that comes with working at the fire station and an intense feeling of belonging. However, I didn't follow through with my goals of becoming a doctor and dreams of greater wealth than working at the fire department pulled me in a different direction. I have followed up with several communities in the Cleveland area to see what I could offer in the way of volunteer services, but I no longer had the certifications and was too far away from volunteer departments. And god knows I don't have the time for that type of commitment anymore with two young kids. At times I toy with the idea of going to medical school, but trying to figure out how to keep a house, two cars, etc. and paying for medical school is a dead end...

In 2002, I began taking flying lessons and got my pilot's license in 2003. There is no greater feeling than flying a plane. Phenomenal. It opens up a whole new realm of exploration that few people get to experience. I loved every minute of it. It was a cautious love as I was very conscious of the concept that any mistake could lead to injury or death. I often read through flying magazines now and see ads that offer to train you to become an airline pilot over a 3 month period for $50k or so. While the money could be worked out, the idea that I start at the bottom of the seniority list (at less than $40k per year) once again leads to a dead end...

So what is my point? My point is that it is important to follow your passion, your dreams at an early age. While there are always opportunities to back track and try something new, there are often road blocks that make it much more difficult (financial, relationship, geography). While I hope to one day get back into flying and follow this passion (as I have not flown since my kids were born, partially due to time constraints, partially due to some subconscious concern about killing myself and my kids becoming fatherless), it won't likely be for a long time. And the civil service tests for firemen usually stop at age 33. Don't get me wrong - I adore my family and the time I spend with them, I like my job and it provides a fantastic living. Just a part of me misses having a passion, specifically when I see others speak or write about things that they are so passionate about. I wish that I had that same feeling about something. Perhaps my passion is yet to be discovered...

Dual Responsibilities of a Parent

The PRIMARY job of a parent is to take care of their kids, shield them from pain, both emotionally and physically. The minute that child is born, there is no greater responsibility than shaping that child to grow into a caring, self-supporting and responsible adult, capable of raising their own family and making a contribution to society.

Reading the newspaper over the past week has brought tears to my eyes several times. Reading about the Israeli girl who was abused and killed by her grandfather, the woman who carried her boy's dead body in her car for several months and the NY woman who let the stepfather of her daughter beat and leave her for dead has just infuriated me. I could never raise a had to my children, nor can I stand it when I see them hurt physically or emotionally. I commented to a friend the other day that seeing the hurt look in my 20 month old's eyes when she says hello to someone and they don't respond is awful. And I don't understand how someone could ever hurt their (or anybody's) children. There is so much pain caused in kids that is preventable. I want to shield my children from every possible bad thing that could ever befall them - physical or emotional. I want to take them away to some deserted island where no one could possibly hurt them.

However, it would be irresponsible of me to do so as it is my role as a parent to help prepare my children for the hurtful (and good) things in life and help them minimize the opportunity for something bad to happen to them. Taking them away and not teaching them about these things would just increase the chances that they do get hurt when they are away from my watchful eye. The dichotomy of trying to protect my kids and letting them experience the real world as well is a role I struggle with. How much do you let them see and when? Do you watch a bit removed to see how they react to things and then swoop in when they are closer to the line of getting hurt? Or do you let them get hurt (a little of course!) to experience and realize certain dangers?

And it is one thing when we as parents know of the dangers and try to keep our kids from getting hurt - hot stoves, mean kids on a playground, streets. But my heart goes out to these parents in China who were only trying to feed their children and eating food of the shelves in grocery stores, who now have kids in intensive care with kidney stones or worse. The failure that I imagine you would feel as a parent would be oppressive, but it is a failure that could not be avoided. What were they supposed to do? Pull out their home chemistry set and test everything in the grocery store? So incredibly sad that so many parents are now placed in such a situation.

Kids are so helpless and don't understand danger and cruelty. Yet they are faced with it every day in this world. I feel so incredibly grateful that my kids are some of the lucky ones who have parents (primarliy their mother) that are so diligent and observant and are with them constantly protecting them from this cruel world. I just wish all kids could be so lucky...

Is being nice less efficient?

I work in the fast-paced M&A arena where hundreds of millions of dollars (at times even billions of dollars) are on the table and can be made or lost with one mistake. This often requires very long hours, being at the client's beck and call and very stressful situations. However, everyone in my company typically treats each other with respect. In my mind (and most others'), we are all one team and, though one person ends up making final decisions, all equals who should be treated with respect and dignity.

The clients we work for often have their jobs on the line (or even more, their entire net worth) as they decide whether to continue to pursue an acquisition target based on our analysis and recommendations. As such, they are often under enormous pressure. Specifically, our very large private equity firm clients, where hundreds of high powered wealthy people have trusted the PE firm with investing their money and providing superior returns (often greater than 15 and 20% annually). As a means to incentivize the PE team, most of them have equity in the firm as well and will be handsomely rewarded if the deals they end up closing achieve high returns. And vice versa, of course.

We often spend quite alot of time with our clients, many times in a "war room" at the client or target site with the PE team doing the deal. While it is not immediately apparent who is on the PE team and who is the advisor (as we are all typically 25-40 year old white males, dressed and groomed well), spending 10 minutes in the room would allow a bystander to easily differentiate between the two teams. How? The interaction between members of the PE team is hostile, at best. It is so hierarchical in nature that rarely would you see a lower level team member even addressing his immediate superior. And when superiors (the 30 year old VP who has been in the business 5 years) talk to their juniors, (the 27 year old analyst who just finished his MBA) they are so derogatory, insulting and condescending that I am often embarrassed to be in the same room listening to the discussion. Let me give an example:

I sat in a conference room with 5 other people, 3 on my team and 2 on the PE team as we delivered our report. The senior person on the PE team was making a point about some issue and made a reference to a number provided by the target company. The junior person spoke up and corrected him, as he used the wrong number. The senior guy then got up, without a word, went to the chalk board and drew an organizational chart. He was at the top of the chart, his wife and kids were below him, his dog was below his kids and then he wrote the junior guy's name below the dog. Didn't say another word, sat down and continued the discussion. The point being that this team member/co-worker who had a few years less experience in the industry and in life was lower than a dog. Even though the junior guy was actually right, the senior guy would not stand for such insubordination. Nice eh?

Now it is readily apparent where the culture comes from - from the top. I have watched the very senior executives treat everyone below them like dirt as well. And of course once someone gets promoted, they treat those below them like shit because that is how they were treated. I was on a conference call on a large automotive transaction with 278 other professionals on the call. I bill $540 per hour. If the others averaged only $400 an hour, the hour long phone call cost the client $111,000. But I digress....the senior guy was telling everyone how important it was to work their asses off the next few days before the deal closed. And he didn't say it nicely or implore people to finish the deal in a strong performance with great results, such as they have done so far. He said, on Monday, "The deal is supposed to close Thursday. If anybody so much as leaves their desk to sleep, shit or eat in the next 72 hours, you are fired. If you are not available when I look for you, you will be dismissed immediately."

So what do I take from all this? The fact is that the guys in the PE firms make alot more money than anybody below partner in our firm. Many of the 27-30 year olds walk home with $1 million a year due to strong performance of acquisitions. So they tolerate the long hours and working environment. And then they leave after several years and become one of those "command and control" leaders that existed in the 50s-80s that have taken a back seat to leaders promoting a healthy work/life balance.

However, the environment I work in and relationships with my co-workers are excellent. We travel together, eat together and spend time together with our families outside of work as we enjoy each other so much. The collegiate atmosphere fosters learning, camaraderie and harmonious relations, teaching our future leaders and partners the importance of working together with positive attitudes of respect. We always get our work done and are successful in meeting our clients' needs. And our people walk away happy to be doing what they are doing and look forward to coming to work the next day. I can't help feeling that an enormous amount of time and intelligence is wasted in the PE firms due to resentment towards ones' peers and not speaking up for fear of being derided and ridiculed, as well as the creativity that is stifled over the careers of these people as they become leaders of large multinational firms.

Use of Obama's $66 million August donations

So I have been thinking about what the best use of the $66 million in donations Obama recorded in August would be. Is it smear campaigns? Derogatory ads? Or is there another way to spend it that would influence votes more? Let's forget the ethical and legal ramifications for a minute (I will address those in a minute). But what if Obama distributed some of this money to constituents - essentially bought people's vote?

So first of all, I tried to think about logistics and how much money that would mean if distributed to a certain group of people (also to be discussed in a minute). If we take just the amount of money he recorded in August of $66 million and assumed the total voting population is the same as it was in 2004 (just over 62 million votes), we can see below the amount of money that could be distributed, how many people that would effect and the percent of the total voting population.

$1,000 - 66,000 people - 0.1% of vote
$500 - 132,000 people - 0.2% of vote
$250 - 264,000 people - 0.4% of vote
$100 - 660,000 people - 1.1% of vote
$10 - 6,600,000 people - 10.6% of vote

So we can see, based on 62 million voters, that to really influence a large portion of the vote (greater than 1% in my mind, which means 1% more for one candidate and 1% less for another, essentially a 2% swing), you would only be able to distribute $100 to each person. Or $250 per person if you wanted only a 0.8% swing. The question is whether people would be willing to cast their vote for someone (no matter how they felt about that person) for $100 or $250?

Let's say the answer is yes, that there are large groups of people in the US that would be happy to sell their vote for $100. Their view may be that their vote doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things anyhow, or that no matter who they vote for, $100 in cash is more than any benefit they might accrue in the future based upon that person's leadership. Is 1-2% of the popular vote enough to sway things? I would say yes. For Gore that likely would have been the deciding factor, especially if these 660,000 votes are strategically bought, i.e. in a swing state or two where this would guarantee a victory.

One consideration, however, would be the opportunity cost. Where would the candidate have spent the $66 million otherwise and are potential voters lost as a result? For example, does it mean one less campaign trip because the cost of the charter plane was borne by the $66 million? Or perhaps one less TV ad to combat a claim made by the opposition?

So let's talk legal. I certainly have no idea about campaign rules, but would assume a candidate can not simply cut checks or give cash to constituents. This would be the way to do it if it was not illegal as everyone prefers cash. But what about giving out gift cards at rallies or in the mail? While you are certainly not guaranteed to get the person's vote, I would say you would influence a large number of people. So give out 660,000 gift cards to Walmart or Target for $100. Would this be legal? I don't know, though there has to be a point where you could provide something tangible to constituents to get their vote. Candidates provide rides to the poles which is a benefit. So even if providing gift cards would be illegal, there has to be something that could be provided that would influence a vote - something between providing a ride and giving out cash.

Is this ethical? I am sure my ethics professor in grad school (whom I hated and fought with daily, and who walks by my house in Cleveland Heights with his wife all the time, with me wishing I had a little bb gun) would say absolutely not. But why not? How is it any different than Bed, Bath and Beyond sending out their 20% coupons each week to influence you to shop there vs. Target?

So the question I pondered this morning when I was awake at 4:30 am was how much would a candidate have to pay me to vote for them if I was not going to vote for them anyhow? $100? No. $1000? Not likely but depended on how desperate I was. $10,000? They would have my vote. But there are a whole lot of people in this world who are less well off than I that would do it for a whole lot less.